I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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