Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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