No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You smell like stripper and shame
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
