oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
