Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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