I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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