This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
