I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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