I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
