just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
