He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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