First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
