Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
