Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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