The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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