youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
