You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
