saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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