i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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