I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
