the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
