I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
