so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
