Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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