So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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