I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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