did you get engaged???
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
