I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
