You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
