remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
