just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
