A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I touched a dick in church today
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
