I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
