question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
