so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
