Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
