could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
