problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
