90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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