I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
