I want to make a zoo with you.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
