I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
