If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
