why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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