There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
