Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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