I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
