A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
