You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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