I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my sisters under your porch take her home
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
