it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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