Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
