Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
